How many times have you heard the words “carpe diem”? It is such a beautiful and wonderful concept. These are the words I wish to carve into my heart. “Seize the day.”
The problem is, I am pretty sure, that I am gifted and cursed with ADHD. Like all true gifts, it carries its own curse. Like all true curses, it is its own gift. Let’s be clear, I am not clinically diagnosed and am almost terrified to be so, but reading on the topic kind of scares me to. I feel like my world is full of balloons and anchors flying randomly through the sky. They grab me and drag me this way and that. Sometimes a great anchor drags me to the depths of the ocean and I feel like I am drowning. Sometimes a tiny, but beautiful balloon drags me into the atmosphere and I can barely breathe, partially because the air is so thin, but mostly because the stars are so beautiful that I forget to. It is impossible to seize the day when moments grab you and drag you this way and that.
How can any of this be a gift you ask? Well, the curse of growing up a geeky and intelligent child is that you learn to think and over think everything. This means that when an anchor starts dragging you down, you know how fast it’s going down. And that at 9.8 m/s2 exactly how long you have until rock bottom. You also know that at your final velocity, the bottom’s going to shatter and you’re going to end up in a black hole eventually. At least ADHD gives you the gift of knowing that all you have to do is find a balloon.
I am learning to cope. I am learning to walk again and slip the grip of these anchors and balloons. It is difficult, but I am learning and making progress. Perhaps this is not technically ADHD, but as far as labels go, it can’t be far off.
If One Step Forward is any indication, I am getting pretty good at neutralizing anchors, but still, they trip me up. I find myself waiting for tomorrow when it comes to some things. Some pretty important things. I am working on it and getting better. I will be good at it soon, and when I am, I will not have a gift with its own curse; I will be gifted and talented again. My talent will be the ability to ride a balloon into the stratosphere, as I already accidentally do. My gift will be that I can see anchors and balloons flying at me for what they are already.