I am amazing. It sucks.

I am so far beyond being a nice guy.  I am a great guy.  I am downright amazing.

It sucks.

My ex-wife would probably be embarrassed to admit it, but I am.   The particular thing that would probably turn her red is a particular event when one of her friends did something that so deeply hurt her, that my ex wanted her friend to squirm and suffer, not knowing if my ex would accept her friendship.  Trust me, the best thing for my marriage would have been the two of them never speaking again.  The best thing for my own emotional health would have been my wife becoming incredibly sadistic with this woman.

And what would silence my ex is that I sat her down on the porch and I told her that, even though it was in my best interest for her to never forgive this girl, that it was in her best interest to forgive or forget.   I, with that gentle touch of pain and honesty forging my quiet words helped them to patch up their friendship.  I don’t know if any of that relationship has endured, but I am so proud of who I am.  I am proud that I can help the people I love, even when it hurts me so deeply.  It sucks, but I am downright amazing.

I don’t know if she remembers that.  I don’t know if I wish she did.  I remember it and it makes me cry, even now.  Being amazing sucks.

But, I know a few girls who give me hope.  They suck.

One is dating someone that she describes as so “sweet” that she has to be careful what she asks.  The other is nothing short of an angel who deserves, and I think genuinely has, someone worthy of that.  It makes it hard to hate being “that guy,” when I think there may be someone out there who deserves “that guy.”

So, in the mean time, I will continue to be miserable and be “that guy.”  I will stick to it as long as I can.  It is hard.  It is hard to cheer for the beautiful and amazing girl to be happy, even when it’s with some other guy.   But I do.  It’s cute.  It makes seeing her less feel better though.

I will hold out and continue to be amazing.  Hopefully, she will find me in time.

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