Judge me

Judge me.

One of the greatest things about talking to Jeannette is that when I say I’m stupid, she thinks about it and agrees.  You see, she judges me.

I wish more people would do that.

I made a catastrophically and categorically dumb decision many years ago and although I had good cause and did it for the best of reasons, it turns out there is no good reason.

As I am one of those people that bubble over whenever I come to a shocking realization, I’ve mentioned this revelation to a few people and the moment I start by saying, “I realized I’m an idiot beca…” I get cut off so that people can tell me I’m not.  She let me finish, then in an instant said “yeah?” like it was obvious.

She has no shame, at least not about judging people.

I don’t think she genuinely considers me an idiot or incompetent, though if she does, she is a great actress.  But I genuinely feel that she has no shame when it comes to genuinely judging my actions for what they are.  Although I consider this a great strength of her character, the point is not about her.

I like being judged for many reasons.  First of all it is validation that I am being heard and seen.  It is great.  I know for myself that being invisible would be terrible.

More importantly, however, I always feel like I jump to conclusions.  It is great to know people who will tell me the truth.  That is the defining characteristic of all the people I hold dearest to me.  Some of my oldest friends, a list that certainly includes my baby sister, will tell me things that take immense courage to speak aloud.

With my baby sister, it is pretty obvious to me that she really doesn’t care if most people hate her for speaking the raw and bitter truth.  It meant so much to me that she came to me, scared, to tell me something.  She told me she’d only tell me once and that she’d never push the issue again.  So she told me I was making a mistake and how and why and then she supported me as I did what she knew to be the wrong thing.  As much as I value the people in my life who will speak the absolute truth, nothing will mean as much.

I guess it means as much as she’s never said “I told you so.”

But I guess that snaps it all into perspective, though.  None of them judge me, they just judge the stupid things I do and have the cajones to tell me.

You can feel free to judge me or the things I do.  I guess it really does reveal alot about you when you judge people.

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