The next time I ask a girl out, I’m going to walk up to her and ask her if we can go out on our 3rd date.
Yeah, let’s skip 1 and 2.
I had my first real first date in over a decade and it was more than enough. I really think this was my first real first date. I’ve only had a couple of relationships. My first date with my ex-wife was after we had already spent 18 consecutive hours together. It was after I, in a moment of drunken enlightenment told her some of the most profound truths mankind has ever uncovered, and then told her she was the one and we were going to get married. Yeah, the night I met her was one of the most interesting nights of my life.
With her, our “first date,” was a comfortable and relaxed dinner of ultra spicy Mexican food with simple conversation among friends. Apparently, this is not what first dates are.
So, not to focus on this girl, but the night, let me explain why once is enough.
So I had talked to her a few times about class related stuff. I ran into her and decided I ought to do that thing I’ve never really done and get rejected by an attractive almost stranger. If only it had worked out that way.
So, she said yes and we went to dinner. We made small talk about school. We made small talk about majors. We made small talk about work. It was this elegant little dance with poignant moments where each of us asked much deeper or direct questions trying to figure out who was actually sitting across the table. It was fun, I guess. But I really would rather know who’s sitting across the table from me before I sit down. I guess speed dating is out for me too.
There are a couple of girls I know who I’d like to sit down with and have a much more meaningful dinner with. There are some people I know enough that I’d be willing to do that dance with. Ahhh, the wisdom of children. There’s this beautiful little girl who is convinced that if she dances with someone she’ll be married. Is there more to marriage? But really, I don’t want to dance with strangers to find out if we can dance well together. I want to dance with a girl knowing that we both look like retards, or at least that she looks retarded because she is willing to dance with me and I am willing to look retarded so I can dance with her.
The poignant moments come. They always do. I don’t need them over dinner with a stranger. So, from now on, I’m jumping to date 3. Date 3 begins with us laughing about what idiots we both have been. Date 3 begins with me forgiving you for being aloof and you forgiving me for being so intense. Date 3 has no pretexts.
This does mean it’s going to be much harder to meet the next one, but it’ll be worth it. It’ll mean we know each other well enough to start right there. It’ll mean that neither of us is scared of making that first mistake. It’ll mean that both of will be willing to forgive the next mistake, or at least try. Friends first, I guess that is the lesson of the week.