I will never be good enough

I will never be good enough.

Your children are not good enough.

You are not good enough.

Just stop trying to be good enough now.  It will never work out.

There were many times in my childhood when I felt like I wasn’t good enough.  This caused pain and suffering and long lasting emotional scars.  It even caused me to make foolish decisions further down the line when I tried harder and harder and harder to be good enough.

I have come to accept that I will never be good enough.  I will never be good enough to be successful at life.  I will never be good enough to have a strong woman stand beside me and weather the storms of life with me.  I will never be good enough to have a son silently wish there was a way to say he was proud of me in a way I could understand.  I will never be good enough to have a daughter stare lovingly at her boyfriend and think that he is better than me, but see that he is just like me in so many ways that really matter.

I know it sounds terrible right?

That’s the thing though.  “Good Enough” is the greatest lie ever perpetuated.

Seriously.  Will you ever want your son to marry a girl that is “good enough”.  Will you ever want to feel that you’re “good enough” to stand beside your husband?  That’s the secret.  That’s the lesson life is constantly beating into me and so many others.  I can say it now, but it doesn’t mean I’ve gotten it.  I finally see the lesson for what it is and it is time to work on this lesson.  To study it.  To incorporate it into every fiber of my being.

I have always worried about being perfect or good enough to … to something… It doesn’t matter what it is, I have always looked for a goal, a finish line.  I have always sought a way to measure success, and it has kept me from obtaining any measure of success.  Life is this great big game, where as you do things, you hear coins falling out of bricks, asteroids shattering into a million pieces and the music tells you if you should chase ghosts or run away, but there is no scoreboard.  It’s this game where you gain achievements, but no one else can ever see them.  It’s a game where your “gamer score” is a word chosen at random from a dictionary so all you know is that something’s changed and you’re pretty sure it was in the positive direction, but there is really no way to ever tell.

What’s the lesson?  What’s the take-away?

I need to be good.  I will never be good enough, but as long as I try to be good, I will be better and that is enough.

I will be good.  I will be enough.  It will be a tough road and it will be hard to stay on track, so I beg you please, if I start trying to be good enough again, please point me in the right direction.

Better yet, let’s all stop looking for good enough and work on getting to “good” together.

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