Warning: This post may invoke images that are inappropriate for friends.

There’s this beautiful and outright amazing girl I know.  And I know one of her dear friends will be reading this and have a moment almost as awkward as the one I want to describe (You’re welcome… you know who you are).

So that everyone else can understand the awkwardness, I must first describe this girl.  Let us start with the day we met.  We took a subway out to Coney Island with some of my greatest friends and she was a friend of a friend.  I guess we can call her Jane.  Jane was your standard fun loving girl and had a generally bubbly personality.  And this beautiful, not quite crooked, but certainly off-kilter grin.  The defining moment happened on the subway trek back, however.  At some point, Jane strikes up this conversation about the reinforced area of pantyhose. There was a genuine discussion about it and she had all the candor, enthusiasm and curiosity of a 6 year old.  I will never forget that.  And I will make sure some other people don’t either.

I didn’t see Jane much, other than through our mutual friends, but there were definitely nights where she was one of the 3 lovely ladies who’d drag me down to the bar for Karaoke once a week.  I guess I am just weak willed, but when 3 beautiful women want you to hang out and drink while they sing and have fun, I just couldn’t resist.  My fiancée at the time and I were both just sincerely amazed by this amazing girl that we asked her to come to the wedding and it was so strange to see Jane react so confused.  The marriage may have fallen apart, but we did gather some great people together for that wedding and Jane was certainly among them.

Now, let’s dive into awkward twice.  First of all her boyfriend at the time was not “good enough” for her.  It was hard to watch.  Luckily our mutual friend sat me down and told me how the world works.  There are very few moments in life where life will sit you down with a tutor, so that too, is one of my fondest memories and will probably be discussed in a future post.  I really feel like just changing gears and writing that out now, but I guess I should just continue into the really awkward.

Today I saw Jane’s boobs.  Actually, I saw a lot of Jane and it’s awkward.

You see, she is an actress and I stumbled across a movie on Netflix.  At first I was kind of annoyed that it focused on a certain “male lead,” but it was actually pretty good.  If there’s one thing I can say for the guy, he can act and he can act like a lost and angry little boy very well.  Maybe too well.  But really, it was an interesting premise and the female lead was pretty good.  The cinematography was well executed.  I really liked the mix of stable close-ups and long shots.  The incredibly rare “shaky-cam” was very well used.  The score was pretty good at repeating a theme, but shifting moods, even though there were a few points where they tried to make things feel off and the music was instead way off.  The movie even left you with a great takeaway question of morality and error.

However, at some point Jane enters the picture.  And as always, she is just breath taking.  I haven’t heard her voice in a few years, but I think she put on most of the accent, but it’s still her voice.  And her off kilter smile.  She carries on a bit with the male lead, here and there, not really showing anything.  But it’s her.  It’s Jane.  I kept feeling like I should avert my eyes and apologize.  But as I said she didn’t really show anything.

Then BAM!  There she is having sex with the male lead in front of his characters boss(who happens to be her characters husband).  Her boobies are out and on full display with more skin of Jane’s than I’ve ever seen.

I feel like I’ve violated her.  I feel like I was snooping in her bedroom and found a sex tape.  I’ve always hoped I’d see her again, but now if our paths cross, I don’t even know how to explain that I watched her “sex tape.”  Is that just a an awkward moment of silence that passes between friends when at the wrong instant my mind flashes me a picture from a memory?

I guess now, we can skip that awkward moment since I’ve just told the entire internet.

And if you do end up here Jane, I’ve always thought you were probably the most beautiful woman and have always thought you had such a great heart and personality too.  I hope me talking about your boobies and how beautiful you are is okay and you don’t hate me too much.  Also, the movie was really good.  I never was able to get through the first one you guys had on Netflix, but this one was very good.  I wish I had made it to the screening for your new movie a few months ago.


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