I wanted to write an essay/blog post about loving love and got distracted by the sound of the words. But let me put it down now that that little detour has been enjoyed
One of the best human beings(a blog for another day) I know asked me, “Why bother with a relationship when relationships take work? What’s the point?” Knowing what little I really know of her and regarding her so highly, I really don’t want to think she is just broken hearted, but I do think that is the case.
You see, I love love. I was in love so deeply that we had a wedding and made an official promise to do everything we could to make a marriage. I was so in love with love that I spent a decade chasing love while she chased someone else.
Some people feel that there is great sacrifice in giving up something you know and love, as people do for Lent. People see some tribute in knowing the raw power of bacon and yet abstaining.
I see the world differently. I know a love that feels like shards of glass grating in an open wound, the shards shifting and burrowing deeper with every breath you take. I know a love that holds your head under water and demands that you sing a love song until you are out of breath. I have no one in my life to love like that anymore. I have no relationship to speak of. I have no heavenly angel that god has chosen for me if I but sign up on the website that God made for me to find my soul mate with. Yet I can tell you about love. I can tell you that I want it in whatever form it takes (I will explain the ❤ exception in a future post).
I want her to know what love is. I wish I could open her eyes. It is funny because it doesn’t matter who she sees when she opens them. She’s known love. She’s showered it on others and has also danced in its rain. It breaks my heart to know that about her and to hear her question the work involved in a relationship. I understand the pain of investing yourself in someone who turns out to be unworthy of it. I will never let that scare me out of the risk. There is a love that is deeper and higher than everything else. There is a love that makes work easy. It takes work to get there and it is always a risk. I hope she takes it one day.
I know many people that are capable of deep love. I feel sorry and excited for whomever she should choose if she should choose to do the work. He has a challenge ahead of him in just about every way and every day. She is a force to be reckoned with and loving her would mean living up to her. She stands fearless against anything that she chooses to face and rarely fails. Even when she fails, she pauses and learns, becoming ever stronger and more resilient. I absolutely understand her fear in finding a man who could possibly stand beside her. She is an intimidating and beautiful storm.
I just hope she opens her eyes and sees him for what he is if he ever crosses her path.