Hair

I smelled her hair this morning.  It was actually the smell of her hair that woke me.  I have woken up alone for 2 years now.  She has never been in my bed.  I don’t dream of “taking her to bed.” Though. I won’t lie, I have thought of it.  I am a man who has been alone for 2 years and she is a beautiful woman.  Those who know me would laugh if you called me a pervert for thinking it.  I’d probably feel guilty.  I already feel guilty, actually.

I bury my face in the king size memory foam mattress for one and breathe deeply.  The chemical smell will never go away, because that is what it is.  I wonder if my ex-wife knew that I could always tell when she washed her hair.  I wonder if she knows how much it hurts when she walks too close.  It’s this burning sensation in my nose.  I am not very sensitive to other smells, but girly shampoos pierce through everything.

Forget the makeup, forget the clothes.  Forget the perfume and lotions.  Step out of that shower and gently dry your hair.  Forget styling it or brushing it.  It doesn’t matter how much or little you wear, all you need is the smell of girly shampoo in your hair and you are undeniably sexy.

As I scroll through facebook, I see that someone has reposted a picture of a fat girl in bra and panties with some tirade about people calling her fat and feeling beautiful and proud of her “puberty stretch marks” and I can’t help but think ‘No.’  And you know what, I stand by it.  Nothing about that girl screams sexy to me.  It’s not that she’s fat, it’s that she’s not sexy to me.  The smell of shampoo would not change that.

Certainly confidence is a major ingredient in sexiness and this girl says she has that.  This girl projects confidence across the internet by showing her stretch marked belly on the internet with a smile.  You know what though; the most confident women I have met don’t need to project confidence.  They actually don’t know how to.  When they post pictures on the internet, the look happy… or sad… or angry.  Some of them always wear makeup whereas some of them show you the face they wake up with occasionally.  Some of them occasionally try to put on a show of being confident and fail horribly.  Some of them just wish they could disappear and hide behind anyone or anything for the rest of my life.

The confident women I know look like all the others.  The way you recognize them is by noticing that their looks change.  Nothing takes more confidence than showing this world all the sides of yourself.  The sexiest girls are 3 dimensional and smell.  This means you see them from different angles and they look different.  This means that sometimes they use a berry scented shampoo and sometimes it’s just some random chemical soap smell.  Sometimes they don’t have time and just rinse their hair and they walk around just the same.

They really don’t care if you think they look confident.  They put on makeup for a million different reasons, some good some bad.  They hide pieces of themselves, sometimes from themselves and sometimes from the world.  I guess the point is pretty simple.  That smell is just one of a million things that bring my mind to the many sides of a girl.  The most beautiful women I know have moments of weakness and can’t leave the house in the morning without doing something with makeup (one of them apparently does hers while driving to maximize ‘beauty sleep’).  They look sad and happy and freak out and have weird feelings and occasionally incredibly bizarre emotional responses.  They will jump in front of loved ones to shield them, stand behind them and push them when needed and stand beside them at all other times.  It’s almost like they’re real people.

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