not good enough

You don’t deserve me, you are not good enough
I hope you fall in love with someone that you’ll never be worthy of
I hope you meet someone and you’re too fat, too skinny, too short,too tall
I hope you see the body of a Greek god with the soul of a poet and the mind of a philosopher
I hope you know that you will never earn their love

But mostly I hope he feels the same for you, because no one will ever be worthy of you
I hope you find someone who wants more than he deserves and will ever try to earn it
I hope you see, not too soon and not too late, that love can never be earned
I hope you find this happiness in misery in someone else,because I will never earn you
I hope you learn to accept the undeserved from the undeserving


Fifty Shades of Porn

“You know if I have sex with a guy, the first thing I’m going to do is call my sister and tell her everything about it. Don’t guys talk about sex all the time too?”

Yeah. No.

Guys think about sex all the time, if you want to feed stereotypes. Women talk about it. Women talk up the details about sex and everything else. Guys are simple and often simple minded.

“I WEEEL GET DAT!” Continue reading

I Walk the Line

Daily Prompt: Have you got a code you live by? What are the principles or set of values you actively apply in your life?

I am a goldfish in so many ways. I really only have one principle or value I can focus on at a time. It’s generally a pretty good one.

The current principle at the center of me is … just watch the video…

It is hard to explain the power of Karma. Karma is neither good nor bad. Karma is such a simple premise. As an atheist, I subscribe to karma on a logical and rational level. I am a firm believer that you are condemned or gifted the world you create.

I have my sad days where I am disappointed with where my life is sometimes, but then I look at my friends and realize two amazing things. First of all, I realize that I have some amazing people who will look at for me. You know how they say that friends help you move and real friends help you move bodies? I have friends that will kill people and never tell me about it, let alone where the bodies may be. It is a gift to have people like that in my life. The power of karma gives me the second thing. It reminds me that I deserve these people. I would do the same for them. If I am the kind of people that deserves these people, I guess I’m doing okay.

The other nice thing about karma is that when I need it, it reinforces me, but in general the scientific method reinforces it. As I see more and more causality in the world, a more concrete belief in Karma becomes inevitable for me.

Although it is very comforting, it is also kind of controlling, because I really try not to wish bad things on people. I try not to hurt people. I try not to be angry or spiteful. The deepest and sweetest revenge I aim for is ignoring people. I can maintain a professional and cool demeanor and convince myself not to lift a finger to help someone. I don’t know if I could let someone literally get hit by a train, but I can convince myself to let them be in the world they create, which sometimes does involve trains. It’s hard to stick to the no ill-wishing, but heck I try and Karma, she knows I try so, hopefully she’ll take it easy on me.

When I lose sight of the line, I try to find a new one. There’s definitely one person I look to when I am trying to find guidance. A friend of mine once commented on how hard it is to find a picture of him with a serious face and how refreshing that was. It’s true. Go Google for a serious picture of the Dalai Lama.

Perhaps this is too simple a model for an adult. But it works for me. There is no complicated rule set. There are never two ideas in conflict. The world will balance itself. I just have to worry about me and my loved ones. And when it comes to myself and them, the only thing I have to remember or remind them of or help them with is keeping their hands and noses clean, so that when Karma rolls the world around, she doesn’t hit anyone I love.

Born to Be With You

Daily Prompt: Got a soul-mate and/or a best friend? What is it about that person that you love best? Describe them in great detail — leave no important quality out.

So, this is a horrible topic for me.

I am a romantic.  Not a flowers and chocolates romantic.

I’m not an “oops I forgot your birthday” kind of romantic either.

I didn’t really have a girlfriend until my senior year of high school.  That relationship lasted for 2&1/2 years.  24 days after that relationship ended, I met a girl. Continue reading

Singing the Blues

Daily Prompt: We all feel down from time to time. How do you combat the blues? What’s one tip you can share with others that always helps to lift your spirits?

I can listen to the blues. I find them comforting, after a fashion.

Today’s daily prompt is about dealing with the blues. It’s a funny topic for me. I am certainly guilty of eating the sadness to numbness. I blame my mother for that. She taught me to eat when I was happy and to eat when I am sad. I certainly have a few pounds to show for it. Continue reading

Semi-Annual Maintenance

So, now that I’ve struck up a conversation with someone who’s words I really appreciate and she’s already come by and seen what a mess my blog is, I guess I should clean up anyway. 

I started this blog about 6 months ago.  I had clear and concise goals and ideas.  In reality, I didn’t know what a blog was or what it would do to me.  It has continued a chain reaction that really feels like it is changing a piece of me.  There is a momentum and life to this that is hard to explain.

Like all growth and evolution, cells dies and appendages become useless.

In the next few days, I will be editing all the static content(pages and categories) and aligning things better to what they have become and probably were always meant to be.  Perhaps I’ll change the wallpaper. 

Keeping the name though.  Love the name.  It is Hindu.  It is modern.  It is post-modern.  It is timeless.  It is me.

Two amazing thoughts have hit me like tidal waves in the last 30 seconds though.

  1. I have been looking, in my real life, to regress myself to my childhood name and stop being an adult all the time.  What just hit me like a tidal wave, is that I am going to start signing my blog with my full childhood name and it’s going to look so cool and kitschy.  Hopefully it will help me break the habit of using my full name.
  2. If my blog had initials it would be MMO.  After years of losing myself in WoW, I stopped.  I’ve had mixed feelings about that and have tried to feed the addiction so I could get sucked in again.  However, I have found the MMO I was meant for.  Yeah, I am that much of a nerd.