Lonely

Who are you Delilah?

I want to wake up. Where are you?

I’ve woken up alone for the last few years. Today is the first time I’ve woken up lonely. I don’t know how many more times I can’t go to sleep alone without this feeling of loneliness threatening to consume the only piece of me that moves forward anymore. I move through life like sand in an hour glass, oblivious and powerless to change the flow of time. Realizing that I am a lone grain of sand, just falling through the narrows of life, is not something I needed.

I NEED something good to happen this day. This is a literal need. This morning is 20 minutes old and I am ready to go to bed and call the day done. Yet, somehow I know that today will be a huge let down.

No good writing.  No moral.  Just this vast emptiness.  I don’t even feel like faking it today.  I will fake it later or tomorrow or the next day.  It will get better and those two songs need to be merged into some beautiful story… but for now I am just going to enjoy feeling heavy and miserable.

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2 thoughts on “Lonely

  1. I have this thing I like to say: You’re gonna feel what you’re gonna feel.

    It’s true, you know. You really can’t deny the things you feel and I think the only thing you can do is embrace them and move on with them. I think it’s worse to deny them. In fact, today I wrote Mr. Wisconsin a note telling him that exact same thing. That I cannot deny the feelings I have for him and that until they go away on their own, there isn’t much I can do to not feel what it is I feel. It’s up to him to decide whether he likes that or not.

    And so today you feel down and that’s okay. Because tomorrow you will feel something else. And so on and so on. And that’s the way things go. Yes, it sucks to feel down. I say that because I know the feeling all too well. But it happens. It’s part of life. And there is nothing wrong with admitting that you do.

    Oh, one other thing I like to say: Never, ever apologize for how you feel.

    • Thank you for your support. It really does mean alot. I don’t think i apologized for the feeling. I’m kind of rolling around in the loneliness… at the moment…. aloneness and loneliness are quite different. I just woke up this morning reaching for someone before I remembered that she wasn’t there and has never been. And the Goo Goo Dolls song just started playing in my head. Apparently they’re going on tour with The Plain White T’s so of course Delilah started playing next… Drowning my heart in some 311 for now.

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