I have just learned that I suffer from a chronic and incurable disease. Hypoalcoholism affects 50% of all adults in the United States. There is no cure for the disease, though treatments are available. The greatest number of acute attacks occur on Mondays and on weekends, the symptoms often completely disappear. If there is anyone in the area that can help, it would be greatly appreciated. Bonus points will be awarded if you show up in a cute little nurse uniform with a stethoscope. If you show up in uniform and are female, in addition to the administration of medication, sponge baths may be involved. Ideal candidates will be between 5’4” and 5’7” tall and have strawberry blonde hair.
If you didn’t get the joke, just go away.
Really though, I feel like I need a drink. I get that way from time to time, probably about once a week. Tonight is one of those nights. Some people call it a problem, but if you think I have a drinking problem, please note that I just had a hummus and spinach wrap with a bottle of water and I am sitting at home writing a blog post. So… Go ahead… tell me about my drinking problem…
Some people would argue that using the word need to describe a craving for alcohol represents a deep seated problem. I tell you what. I need a drink. I need to write. I need to finish up my degree. I need to breathe and each of these represents a problem. Other than breathing(and other physical biological needs), these also represent deep seated psychological problems. So, yeah, everything you feel like you need to do that will not literally kill you for the lack of the doing, is a psychological problem. So go figure out what your own issues are before you come back to talk about mine.
While you do that, I am going to go clean my living room and watch a movie and make plans to go have a celebratory beer for the end of another semester. I am than going to try to find someone to commiserate with over a glass of really weird vodka. Because that’s how we drunks roll.