Aside

sunshine

You are my sunshine.
Sometimes… my only sunshine.
Whenever you are near, I feel warm.
I feel like the layers of ice I’ve grown around my heart are melting.
I feel that being close to you leaves me in just some old swimming trunks.
Our conversations leave me naked, my soul unashamed.
The rays of sunlight that burst from within you when you smile… at me… brighten everything in the world.
But then we part.
The world goes dark; somehow dusk is always dimmer than dawn.
I stumble around until my eyes get used to the darkness that they’ve known for so long but forget every time you cross my mind
In the darkness, I feel the heat flowing out of my skin.  
It reminds me of childhood days spent out in the sun and an unqualified happiness that we forget as we grow up… as we grow older.
By the next day, my skin starts to peel.
The gentle sunburn itches more than it burns and I wonder why I do this all the time
The sun does not shine for me, yet I sometimes shine for the sun.
The sun makes me want to glow and burn and lay in the sand
Certainly the night sky is full of wonder and the glow of the moon lights the world in a different way
But you… you I am always drawn to
You know you’re radioactive?
Do you even know what that means?
Radiation is this energy you cast off that pierces almost everything.
It fills people with holes.
Tiny little holes through every cell that gets in the way
Massive holes through my heart.
The next day, as I burn and itch, my skin cells tell me
“We’re dying, but don’t worry that itching is new cells growing.”
My heart just stares at me and tells me,
“There is only burning here, no growing, no itching.”
The ice grows back to fill the hole.
Layer upon layer.
My heart is safe, but no longer whole.
And here I lay,
Just waiting to bask in your presence once again.

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