So, there’s this girl…
I am so bad at dating that I have no idea what I want to ask this girl to do.
That’s not true. I know exactly what I want to ask this girl to do, but it is so personal and intimate that I am mildly terrified of asking her.
I want to take her to lunch. It doesn’t really matter where. Indian food or Thai food would be fine, but It is really hard to choose such important details. What is the appropriate level of intimacy for food on a first date? Especially if the goal is to end p at the most intimate place possible? I suppose doing it for lunch would reduce the level of intimacy and pressure. It also opens up the time frame. But what does she like? Is the food to complex? Too simple? Dietary restrictions? I know a girl who’d melt if I showed up with a #7(chicken) from Taco Bell with a beef soft taco, no lettuce and a side of chips and cheese. I know some weird people, huh? Oh and a Mountain Dew or root beer, with bonus points if it has crushed ice instead of cubes, because that matters to some people, apparently.
After lunch, perhaps a little walk in a downtown area or just lingering for a bit with dessert/coffee. I’d rather just do the coffee, but who knows? Walking means holding hands, or not holding hands. Walking means arm around the shoulder or waist… or do the hands just hide in pockets? I want some time to talk about whatever comes up. I am dying for some real conversation. I think we should definitely get into a little politics because I think we’ll clash alot on some real issues. I’m that guy. I am looking for a little conflict on my first date. Something serious that no one should take too seriously. If not politics, we can flirt with religion and eternity. I guess that’s odd? But seriously, a little intellectual conflict is so important to me that I need to test it out.
After a little sparring I want to take her to a different level, but only assuming everything is clicking and going well. I want to take her to a book store and each pick out a book for the other. Not necessarily the most important book. Not necessarily even a book either of us have read. But an appropriate book for the other person. Yeah, not what you were thinking when I was talking about ending up somewhere intimate, huh? This really wasn’t even an idea until about 15 minutes ago, but it seems right. It doesn’t even matter if we buy the books.
Do you share a book that reveals your dirty laundry? Do you share your intellectual gods? Do you share a story about the deepest love? A murder mystery that you read in 5th grade? Is it a children’s book that changed your life? Do you go “full monty” with a book that you can say defines you? Explain who you want to be in terms of pieces of characters? Or is it a travel guide for Spain that is the right book for the moment? A map for the glove box, because she gets lost in places without GPS? …
I don’t read as much as I should or as much as I used to. I don’t know the names of all the authors of the great books I’ve read. I’m a casual reader who has fallen deeply in love with some characters and would love to share them. I would also love to hear who has shaped the people I meet. Certainly some of the deepest love I feel for characters are in television and movies as well, but to talk about books and over books seems like a much better date. Weird or not, that is just how I feel. I do spend more hours with television and movies than books and am more than happy to sit at the beach and talk. I am more than happy to sit on a patio in silence and listen to the birds. I am more than happy to wait on line for an hour to get on a roller coaster or to sit in a dark theater and watch a movie to talk about over dinner.
Normal dates are fine.
Chemistry, cuddling and sex? We can wait and see what happens.
Life is too short to delay intellectual intimacy.
But I guess I don’t know much about dating…
Also, I have no idea what one should wear on a first date in Florida. It didn’t even seem important until this morning. I’m still not convinced it is important. Too many questions. So many things to learn. I’m leaning towards shorts and a button down or polo, but perhaps I am not so good at dressing myself for anything but comfort and utility. Oh well.
At least I have some time to figure this out, since we’re not even at the point of meeting yet. But hopefully, we’ll get past the little details soon.