She gave me a pen

“She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.”

Certainly, John Cusack has played the whiny loser in a million sappy chick flicks, or at least some of the big ones that defined a decade, but this is from one of his most iconic roles. I have seen the picture of him holding a boombox over his head outside of a girl’s window a few times, but I didn’t know that this was THAT movie.

I was told to watch “Say Anything” because I’m “a fucking dobler.” I really had no idea what that meant, so I watched the movie. Apparently a few of my friends think it is a sappy rom-com where a whiny loser gets the chick again and isn’t even happy about it.

Well guess what? I’m a fucking dobler and I am okay with that. My female friends think they want someone like me, but not me. I seem tortured and miserable because I love so many people. I don’t smile even when I am having the time of my life. I’ll probably write you a thank you letter if we go out on a date(probably not but a double entendre laden blog post will probably be in your future and you will have little doubt what it’s about. Far more importantly, I will care about your relationship with your family. I will encourage you to make peace with people that hate me. I will help you be you when I can. I understand what it means to feel like you’re no good at anything other than loving someone. Oh I get Dobler on a very deep level

The movie is pretty terrible. The plot is weak and a stretch. The segues in the movie are nonexistent. It’s not a great movie, and the big romantic boombox scene is far less romantic than in any other movie. It was almost realistic.

Yeah, I was pointed at this movie as a “get over the girl, you’ll never be happy. You may get the girl but it’s going to be painful and you won’t be smiling at the end of the movie” and instead I walk away, affirmed that I will be happy. I may never be happy with my life, but I will be happy with my self.

And as far as the writing goes, there are some truly amazing truths.

I have offered my heart to a girl this week. Not the one I’ve been repeatedly falling in love with for over a year. Jeannette is beautiful and amazing and inspiring, but underneath it all, she is a bit detached for me. I love her to death and hope to be dear friends, but there is no compatibility on the emotional front.

I have offered my heart to a girl I haven’t met, because I understand the quote I opened this article with, and I understand that I am not getting the short end of the stick. I have a voice here on my blog. I have a voice in those long messages we send back and forth with open questions as we try to get to know each other. I love it. And if she turns out to be just another beautiful female friend with whom I can have deep and meaningful, emotional and honest conversation with, I will be no worse off.

She gave me a pen and she asked me to write. For this, I thank you.

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