today i away
my voice will not reach this far
real paper must suffice

I will be out of town and probably without network access for a few weeks.  I will be taking pen and paper and seeing if my mind is capable of working in ink.  I interface so much better with a keyboard that I haven’t written, really written, with pen and paper in years.  I am looking forward to trying.  If anything good comes out of it I will be happy to share, but if not, I will sorely miss writing for a while.  It buys me so much peace.


PTSD Prayer

I am a veteran.

I read articles on a weekly basis that address the PTSD and difficulties that thousands of veterans face every day and I understand and sympathize.

I raised my right hand twice and have taken the same oaths that these men have taken in public.  I know that they have many more oaths that they have sworn in private with the men who stood at their side.  I know what it is to look at someone you have spent perhaps 100 hours with and swear an unfaltering blood oath to them without saying a word to them.  I know what it is to carry an oath that the subject of the oath is unaware of:

“You are an ass-hat, but you will not be left behind.  If you are left behind, you will not be left alone, because we will all be ‘left’ with you.” Continue reading

Dearest Star…

,ɿɒƚƧ ƚƨɘɿɒɘᗡ

It has been almost fifteen years since my eyes last rested upon your face. I have no right to demand anything of you, even that you read this letter. I am entitled to no response or notice if you do read this letter. I demand nothing of you, however I do hope for a response.

I am not seeking to rekindle any old flame. I am not even asking to rekindle an old friendship.

I am stating, for all the world to know, that fifteen years ago, I knew a great soul. You were and I am sure, still are, far from perfect, so do not take it as flattery. But, you had a fire in your soul that I’ve rarely seen matched, no matter what the rest of you did to tame and shade it. I am simply saying how it is.

I am always hoping to meet that flame, whether in you or others. Whether as in friendship or simply watching a beautiful girl dance on stage playing the violin like she’s a fluttering moth lost in her own music.

In these hopes, I offer the most sincere of apologies. I’ve offered my words to the winds several times in hopes of absolution. I have found peace with my mistakes. I offer my apologies to you, in hopes that if I left any scars on your heart, I can help them fade. I hope this offer does not tear any old wounds or cause any new ones. Even as I write this, I am scared to send it to you for fear of that. Fifteen years is a long time, but I know that some loves, especially first loves, can stay with you. Perhaps it was easier for you to let go. Perhaps I am not the first love in the pages of your memories.

I am sorry for letting my weakness pull me away from you. It was my mistake. I offer this apology without the search for forgiveness.

,ƨyɒwlɒ ɘvo⅃