Aside

you.

If there are people you
love more than words can describe,
make sure that they understand
that
in a way that neither words
nor silence can never destroy.

I am sorry for all the words
that I have spoken
in pain
and anger
and misery
and self-pity.

I am sorry for all the words
that I have swallowed
in pain
and anger
and misery
and self-pity.

Know now, that
I have always respected
you.
I have always loved
you.
I have always trusted
you.

Since that day
I have missed
you.

Still I respect
you.
Still I love
you.
Still I trust
you.

This apology is a gift for
you.
What you do with it is up to
you.
Because I
respect, love and trust
you.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

There have been many times where I have tried to share experiences with people. Experiences I had already had, but would gladly go again to take someone else. I have taken people to amusement parks to see which rides they love or hate. I love going to museums with others and discussing the exhibits we have different or similar opinions of.

I love to look into the eye of someone as they behold something for the first time or that stirs them in some way. I love to see, not the reflection of the world in their eyes, but the light that flows from them in that moment. Beauty flows out of their eyes in that moment.

It is such a different meaning than people normally use for that phrase, yet so much truer for me. I really wish I could see how your eyes flashed for a moment when you caught the second meaning. I used to think I loved to teach. However, the moment the second meaning of this phrase caught me, I had to re-evaluate. I hate teaching. I love being there the moment eyes flash with understanding. It is the same flash when a beloved character dies in a book or when someone feels connected with a piece by Dali. Teaching or tutoring someone just gives you more access to those moments but takes effort and discipline. Children give you those moments so frequently and freely. Being in a relationship and letting someone else have passions and supporting them also gives you those moments.

So yeah. I finally have an explanation for my favorite thing in the universe. I understand. I get it. I even went to the mirror and got into a giggle-loop about watching my eyes light up with the realization. Powerful stuff.

You know what is going to make this smile last all day is the fact that in that moment, I realized that that is the magic of humor. That is why I will forever miss Robin Williams. He did an amazing job of catching people off guard. And the moment he could sneak it in, that smile would just explode and punch you square in the face with love. Telling a joke is like talking down to someone like they’re an idiot and then saying, “See! You’re human too. None of us can see what’s coming.”

I never heard it until yesterday, but I want to share this interview with Robin Williams.

And I just want to leave you with an idea of his on reincarnation:

What annoys me about reincarnation is that almost everybody was someone special in a previous life. They were always Cleopatra and other famous historical figures. Nobody has even been a guy named John, who was jobless and one day died. As a result, that makes me skeptical about the thing. But maybe only those who had a really nice life are about to remember it. Maybe that’s the case.

If you ever come back, I hope you remember it and come back with some great jokes about your suicide.